my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
