well you can't waste a boner
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
