Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
