Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Found your dick twin last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
