masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
