we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
