im six kinds of drunk right now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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