That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
