Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
