i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
