I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
