you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize