I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
