It's Friday. Sex?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
