so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
