oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
