My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
