you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
