i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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