After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
