I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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