i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
