we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
