Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
