but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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