i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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