your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize