Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
