Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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