you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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