Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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