the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
