You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
