i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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