Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
