A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
