im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize