3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
