Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
