I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
COCAINE IS GR8
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
