I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
