I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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