so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
