happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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