Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
