She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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