Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
