I murdered the dance floor call the cops
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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