Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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