I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
