How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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