Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
