I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You can't motorboat a personality
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
