just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
