Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
