I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
