Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
