Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hippo gnu deer
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
