A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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