the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
