Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
