Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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