Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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