How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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