Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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