They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
