I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
