I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
