Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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