Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
