A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
