He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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