i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
