shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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