It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
