I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
from now on my penis is your penis
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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