coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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