Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
