What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
