So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
