If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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