Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize